Final Assessment
Yield, find your ground, and begin. You push from this support you have found and reach to the next movement, through this reach you grasp and then pull through the cycle, back into the ground you find yourself, left to yield again.
You are sitting on the earth and you realize that this earth deserves you and you deserve this earth. You are there—fully, personally, genuinely.
-Chögyam Trungpa Rinpoche
When I arrived at Naropa, 21, fresh out of college and a wonderfully busy internship, I was driven. I wanted to accomplish as much as possible. I knew I was the youngest person in the program. I felt years behind as I began to work with my cohort. Seeing them create beautiful work within the first week, our ten-minute self-introductions were so diverse and wonderful, and I felt like mine was anxious, young, immature, scattered and unrefined. I felt like I had to prove my worth. Prove that I deserved to be in a Master’s level program. This feeling is still within my being, but I have realized my worth, and the ignorance behind my doubt. The ground is under my feet and I know I deserve it.
I chose Naropa because the physical base of it’s training, and this has been my greatest growth. I came into the program with a strong understanding of my physical body through years of athletics and non-theatrical body trainings. These trainings were usually very technical and layered upon my body. The in-depth study of my body, as solely mine and the subjective mind for movement, without judgment was one of the many things I needed from the program. Somatics and Developmental Technique (TM) were two avenues of study I never hesitated in and enjoyed every moment of. They have helped to improve and elevate one of my strengths to an even greater level. There are, of course, things that I need to develop within these fields of study. Organs are still not completely integrated into my movement. The difference between certain fluids as well, I also am completely aware that the re-patterning that has occurred in the last two years will not all be evident in the current moment, but just as many insights occurred over the past summer, many more will appear in the next few months and years. I also plan on continuing my research into somatics possibly through School of Body Mind CenterÒ Modules and other somatic practices.
I also entered this program with a basic meditation practice, and a mentor with a direct connection with Naropa, (Lenz Fellow, Dr. Philip Meckley). I had experienced contemplative education through his Religion and Philosophy classes at Kansas Wesleyan University, but as much as I liked to believe I had a “practice” I did not. I had occasionally meditated and understood the principles behind it, but had no diligence or consistence. The contemplative nature of Naropa was my second main draw to the program. It has grown to be a very important aspect of my work, through the cultivation of presence and use of “extreme presence” in my Work In Progress showing Art as Experience. I believe my growth as a meditation practitioner is the one of the greatest growths that has occurred within me over the last two years. It has impacted me as a performer and theoretician Even when I can no longer physically create the virtuosic, athletic work that I currently aim to make, the practice and the contemplative education I have received can be passed on to others through my work.
I have also had a very basic understanding of the viewpoints, which I received in undergraduate acting classes. I now have the understanding of the radical simplicity that is the viewpoints. The remarkable flexibility the language and awareness have as both a teaching tool and training or compositional means. They are everything and nothing at the same time, a way to speak of reality. I really enjoy the work that comes out of viewpoint explorations in space. The language is simple and fluid, I plan on using it as a primary composition tool for many of my artistic endeavors, so much so I got SSTEMS tattooed on my collarbone.
Presence has been the greatest growth for me as a performer, and person. I have consciously slowed myself down, trying to be in the current moment, instead of thinking of the next step. Leeny Sack’s work has been a huge influence, her hypersensitivity and awareness of true presence is remarkable. The work with presence is a culmination of all modes of study in the MFA program. A present performer, has access to their somatic body, extended voice, is aware of space, shape, time, emotion, movement and story. The total being is present and in any moment. The knowledge of this ability is a remarkable gift in and of its self. The practice and growth of it with Leeny and the entire remarkable faculty has been one of the greatest assets and gift of my two years, and it will be a continued practice through out my life. I also believe it is the greatest tool to have within myself as a teacher, and to cultivate into others. I have found the beauty in square one, and am excited to continue this exploration and learning into the future.
Most of these self-assessments have been positive, and shown a great growth that I feel within myself and believe has been demonstrated. Some of my lesser improvements are habits that I will continue to work on. Most of my evaluations, from both peers and teachers, bring up the work with my voice, which is a known weak point, and will be a continued effort into the future. My text work has taken leaps and bounds, but not on the same level the work with my body and presence has. I realize this, and plan on working on it into the coming months. It is currently not a strong need for me, my present adventures are more dance oriented, but that is no reason to not continue the work with my voice, a performer with more options is less prone to habit.
I also still struggle with my tendency to be hyper-busy and over-extend myself. I am slowly learning when to yield to what I am doing and to not reach past what I am capable of in any given moment. I am learning to allow space and time to let things germinate and grow, for my body to reset and for new ideas to form out of the nothing. This has no end, this is square one and from square one a foundation is built. This foundation leads to square one and from there all is possible.